Alternative Title:  Why some people remain single.

She walks in the coffee shop, the bell on the door announcing her presence.  But she isn’t there to buy coffee, she is there on a mission.  Her eyes scan the armchairs, barstools, tables; where could he be?  Finally, she notices an average-joe type on his computer in the back.  Ah ha, found him.

“David*?”  She asks, approaching hopefully.
“Sorry, not me.”

Oh.

She returns to the front of the shop, looks around one more time, and asks the girl behind the counter if anybody had been in looking for someone.  Behind-counter-girl shakes her head sympathetically and asks if she wants to get a coffee and wait.  Hey, may as well sell something to the Poor Girl.

Poor Girl contemplates her options, and chooses to sit in a chair near the door (sans-coffee) and wait for David.  That way they can order together.  Several minutes pass.  No David.  Obviously not one to wait and do nothing, Poor Girl opts to buy herself a drink and pick a table.  Much to my delight, she opts for the one directly in front of me.  Camouflaged behind my computer, working on a proposal for work, I feel like I’m front row for what is already starting to be a great show.

The stage has already been set.  Poor Girl is here meeting David, who is obviously late.  They have apparently never met, as Poor Girl embarrassingly pointed out by approaching Average-Joe.  Poor Girl is now showing signs of slight anxiety while she waits for David to show.  This is obviously a blind date.  Okay, maybe I can’t be 100% sure, but, well, we’ll see.

Poor Girl starts going through the normal time killers.  She checks her phone.  She fidgets with her hair.  She adjusts her glasses.  She drinks half her coffee.  Still no David.  And then comes the critical point.  She pulls out a deck of cards and starts to play some funky version of solitaire.  In other words,  David, assuming he shows up, has already placed himself on the edge of no return in Blind Date Land.  To re-cap, he’s late, wasn’t there to buy her coffee, hasn’t called, and she has resorted to playing cards with herself.  One would think it could only get better.

One would be wrong.

David finally shows up.  If you’ve ever seen Seinfeld, picture George.  Now picture George slightly younger.  Meet David.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He zeros in on her, (perhaps a sign that he had already cyber stalked her and knew what she looked like…?) and takes a seat mentioning something about her “gaming”, in reference to the cards now filling the table.  She dismisses them with a wave of her hand saying something about them being her time-killer.  This prompts an awkward semi-excuse about a phone message but no real apology about being late.  He insists she teach him to play the game because he loves games, but oh just one minute please, I need to go get a drink first.

David returns with an extra grande “coffee”, topped with whip cream and chocolate syrup.  It casts a shadow over Poor Girls small house coffee.  He mentions how diets and sugar free drinks give him headaches so he avoids them.  Really, David?  Your figure said that for you when you walked in the door.

Poor Girl proceeds to teach him the card game.  After losing to her several times in the first few minutes, David decides he’s not visual learner and likes strategic games better (this game involved visual puzzles on the cards).  Game over.  Poor Girl valiantly pushes forward with conversation.  The next ten minutes are filled with boringly standard small talk, where in David reveals he does programing and basically “works for himself when he feels like it.”

Pretty soon, Poor Girl reaches for her phone.  “Oh wow, it’s almost four, I really have to be somewhere.  Nice to meet you.”  Cue begging.  As she quickly gathers her things and tosses the rest of her coffee, David seems to come alive.  “Oh!  You have to go already?  Okay, well this was really cool!  Really cool!  You want to get together sometime?  That would be cool!  If we did this again soon, that would be awesome.  Would you be up for that?  Would you want to?  I think that would really be cool!”   (his vocabulary obviously came alive as well)

Poor Girl: “It was cool to meet you.”  (note the non-committal vagueness in that response)

David (as poor girl is all but running for the door) :  “Well, I’m always online pretty much all night if you ever want to talk!”

I don’t think he even got a response on that one.  Good luck buddy.

 

-Love Always,
Your Coffee-Shop-Eavesdropper

*Names have not been changed to protect that dating-impaired.