Snow hates me. Or maybe it’s better to say: I hate snow. Or, most likely, both statements are true, although the possibility of inanimate, half-frozen, pieces of condensation possessing or expressing hatred is, granted, somewhat doubtful.

When I moved to Grand Rapids last year, people told me that it was the worst Winter in a long time and things usually aren’t that bad. Well, congratulations Grand Rapids, you’ve outdone yourself again. Apparently the mild snow seasons’ departure coincided perfectly with my arrival. Fantastic.

However, as someone considering a possible career in PR, I am sure I can put a positive spin on West Michigan Winter. This is, quite simply, an opportunity to highlight

The sunny side of the cloudiest months of the year:

• Better outdoor workouts – While the speed of your walking and/or running maybe be slightly impeded, I am convinced that tromping through un-shoveled sidewalks, hopping over snow-plow-created road barriers, and constantly fighting the ice and slush in a battle to keep your balance, actually burns more calories than your standard sunny jog in the park where all you have to watch out for is the latest dog dropping and the occasional sun-blinded driver. [disclaimer- all benefits of this sunny side are void in the unfortunate but somewhat probable occurrence of a slip and fall resulting in a run-preventing injury.]
• Increased circulatory health – For many of us, colder temperatures outdoors equate to colder temperatures indoors as well (who has extra money to toss to silly things like heating bills?) This forces our bodies to develop increased efficiency and healthier circulatory systems in order to keep our vitals from freezing. It also creates a stronger resistence to hypothermia. Additionally, the lack of vitamin D caused by the negligable amount of sunshine means our veins have one less thing to worry about disributing throughout the body, lowering their stress levels. [disclaimer – these statements are based on speculation and have not been verified by clinical studies.]
• Greater variety in life – The daily grind can get old after a while. Get up, drive to school, drive to work, go to the gym, socialize over some coffee, come home… it’s all fairly standard, fairly easy, and somewhat predisposed to becoming boring. Thank God we have Winter to mix up the schedule a little bit with things like car doors that are frozen shut, snow days and the resulting re-scheduling, and a new gripe topic for the water cooler. Not to mention the normally mindless commutes that instantly become both more exciting and longer, giving us the motivation and the time to think about what really matters in life. [disclaimer – again, all benefits of this sunny side are void in the unfortunate but somewhat probably occurance that the variety results in negative consequences such as being late for/missing important apointments or drives that leave the realm of exciting and enter the realm of dangerous, destructive, and definitely-expensive.]
• Abundance of beautiful-ness – No doubt about it, a fresh coat of snow and sparkling ice can make even the northwest ghetto of Grand Rapids look, eh, less scary. Really though, there is something about fresh Winter-scapes, besides the negative farenhiet readings, that take your breath away. [disclaimer – emphasis is placed on the term “fresh”. Old snow, muddy snow, car exhaust covered snow, etc. is gross.]

And there you have it, Alissa Jean’s positive spin on the seemingly dreadful days of winter.

I would be so good at PR.